4 Ways To Support Employees Who Are Working Whilst Grieving

2020 has been a year like no other. People have lost family members, friends, colleagues that they had not expected to lose. Death has became something that is very prevalent in many of our conversations, news and lives. Yes, we could argue it always has been, but it would be facetious to say that death and its effects haven’t been thrown into the forefront for many of us.

There are many of us who have lost people close to us this year that we didn’t expect to and we then had to deal with the overwhelming grief that follows. This has always happened - people have died every day, every month, every year. This year, it has happened statistically more due to COVID-19 and waves of employees are dealing with this.

What’s an organization’s role in this?

People work at your company. They spent hours with you everyday - whether that’s remotely or in person. Working has become part of being human. Dealing with death is part of being human. Therefore both influence and intertwine with each other.

If you are in a management or leadership position, I am confident that you will have had to deal with at least one person grieving whilst working in your entire career. 2020 has likely increased this number substantially, depending on where you are based and what the death tolls of the pandemic look like in your region.

As a leader/manager/organization, your role is to step up and support. Here are 4 ways you can do that.

Four ways for organization’s to support grieving employees

1. Giving time away

This might seem like common sense, but what is your actual bereavement policy? Do all managers clearly know what they need to communicate to any employee at any given time? We know you cannot plan for death, and this information must be easily accessible, and incorporated into manager-progression to ensure awareness is baked in. Scrambling to find information isn’t acceptable.

Time away is a complicated one. Time away can be a healer for some, and not for others. Regardless of that, time away is usually a necessity in the first instance. Companies need to be mindful that a blanket approach here isn’t feasible. People deal with death in different ways and providing a blanket number of days for people to grieve isn’t realistic. Your policy and process should take this into consideration, where you can. Provide a number of days to allow people to know they don’t have to rush back, with a clear caveat that if someone needs more time, that they should speak to their manager who can deal with any handovers, approvals and so on.

I took two weeks leave after my Dad passed away. My mother passed away 5 years ago and I took one week off, however we were not close and this time was mostly to sort “admin”. If we had have not been in a global pandemic, I would have taken more time off after my Dad’s death, however if I did that, I’d be sitting on my sofa alone whilst my partner works, with little distraction as I cannot go anywhere due to restrictions. Personally, I don’t believe that is the right thing for me. For me, work is what I need right now.

Many organizations may have reasonable bereavement policies for those directly affected, but not for the supporting partners of those who have lost their loved one. One day off to attend a funeral is unreasonable, especially given how complicated death has became in 2020 with restrictions, financial worries and more. Be flexible here and be clear on that flexibility when these people reach out too.

2. Give time to speak and share, if they want to

Speaking about what has happened can be cathartic and a release for many. Dodging around the question or topic isn’t useful. It adds in unnecessary awkwardness. When people do return to work, genuinely asking “how are you” and “are you ok?” can be exactly what someone needs. Managers especially need to be ready to deal with whatever the answer is - it won’t always be “yes, I’m fine” and you will need to support in whatever way is needed next.

One moment that I am thankful for since I have came back to work was in my catchup with the Chief Product Officer, who is one of my Managers. I was racing ahead to talk about what I’d missed, he stopped me and asked me if I was ok, listening to what had happened, then reiterating what our Chief People Officer, my other Manager, stated - that if I needed more time, to just take it. Being given that time to just recount and share felt like a release for me.

The flip-side of this is to remember that if someone doesn’t want to talk about what has happened, don’t pressure them or force them. Acknowledge it, move on and continually check in with them, as you always would, to ensure they are being supported.

3. Ensure bereavement has been a consideration for mental health support

Supporting and prioritising our mental health this year has been a different experience than before. We haven’t had to work in this way before - whether that means working remotely when we haven’t done that before, or having to balance physical safety whilst travelling to work if we don’t have the privilege of being able to work remotely.

We must ensure the mental health support we provide is considerate of the effects of bereavement, and that the providers we use are appropriately trained of what bereavement in a COVID-19 world can mean (vs the world we all lived in previously). Therapy sessions may now need to be online, which is a different experience and may be more difficult for some than others to use. Be mindful of this and ensure this lens has been considered.

4. Realign expectations

When someone passes away, whether that is someone who you are close to, someone who has an impact on your life (positive or otherwise), this can be all-encompassing. As I said before, work plays a huge part in many of our lives and that means that it takes up a substantial percentage of our time.

When a large life-event happens, priorities are changed. This is no more prevalent than when an employee is dealing with a death, especially in the transition period of figuring out what this means moving forward, whilst dealing with the initial grief. People cannot do everything at 100% - we are not made that way and this is a sure-fire case for burnout. In many cases, work will not be front of mind, as it may have been before.

As a manager/leader/organization, your role is to reiterate that you’re aware of this and that you have a clear plan on how to help this person transition back to work. Similar to any kind of leave that focuses around a life-effecting event like death, expecting people to pick up where they left off is unrealistic and uninclusive. It will be easier for some to pick up and move forward than others. You must step up, provide support, ensure the team provides assistance and move forward together with empathy.

Over 1.6 million people have died from COVID-19 and many have died from other causes. It’s unrealistic to think that this has not had a substantial effect on those left behind. Empathy and sympathy are key here. Our previous policies around bereavement may not be fit-for-purpose given the extra complications a global pandemic adds.

Embed flexibility, ensure managers are able to comfortably support, be realistic with work expectations and remember, we are all dealing with a year like no other.

By Sheree Atcheson, Contributor